Voyage of the Kon-Tiki
How lazy and (a)pathetic am I?

There's a street fair within sight of my house, and I can't summon the oomph to walk over there. Go outside? My house? Alone? I can't even bring myself to dust off the long-neglected camera gear.

The fair is put on every August to benefit low-income kids; they give away free school supplies and sponsor writing contests. How awesome is that? I wish I'd known; I'd have thrown some money their way. Next year.

I'm not sure what my issue is (other than the obvious: generalized anxiety disorder). It's just so much more comfortable inside, with my coffee and computers. I can blame it on the chill breeze and threatening skies, but I know that if it was sunny out I'd feel just as reclusive. Is it the large crowd and thumping bass? My vaugue discomfort with the neighborhood? (I feel like my house is an island, separated from the friendly, interesting parts of Seattle by a 10-block moat.) Am I so burnt out from work?

I haven't even hopped on the bike in three weeks. Capitol Hill is RIGHT THERE. But it feels like a voyage. Like I need to suit up in Kevlar. Like there'd better be something Really Worth It - amusement park rides or fire or riots. A glacier marching down Broadway, with hipster kids breaking off chips of blue ice and letting it melt on their tongues.

When other people are around it's easy; my inertia bleeds off. There's a reason to go out to eat, or to the park. But left to myself, I feel like it doesn't matter where I am, because I'm still in my head. At home or the coffee shop, it's all the same. Home is just easier. There's food in the fridge.

I should probably try six months of therapy, see if that gets me over the hump. I just think they're all quacks. And that anything they can do for me, I can do for myself. Externally-imposed structure helps, though.

I am going bike riding tomorrow with a friend, and again next weekend, and throwing a party, so it's not all hermetic decrepitude. Yet still I'm weeks overdue getting my hair cut.

I feel more energized having just written it down. Or the coffee has kicked in.